Written by: Victoria Alexander
Ryan Reynolds becomes a certified movie star. DEADPOOL makes all the other superhero characters look like relics from the 1950s – except the Black Widow.
I’m talking about you, Tony Stark, castrated by Pepper Potts, and all the other sexless Avengers. Why do all the Avengers ignore how beautiful Thor is?
I’m sure – with DEADPOOL amassing a fortune at the box office with the superhero having a hooker for a love interest – the Avengers will have to go the “R” rated route (and never say anything bad about the Black Widow ever again.*
Being the Avenger’s lone “slut” would be “money” (referencing Vince Vaughn’s classic line from SWINGERS: “You’re so money and you don’t even know it.”).
Remember how much you loved THE HANGOVER, but hated THE HANGOVER 2 & 3? Remember how much you loved TED but hated TED 2? Well, you are going to love DEADPOOL, but be forewarned, the odds of loving DEADPOOL 2 & 3, is – historically – not guaranteed.
I still haven’t forgiven George Clooney for promising OCEAN’S THIRTEEN would be better than OCEAN’S TWELVE.
Wade Wilson (Reynolds) becomes a Marvel superhero when, told he has terminal cancer, decides to undertake a risky medical procedure that will cure him of his cancer. His devoted girlfriend – a hooker? – Vanessa (Morena Baccarin) supports his decision.
The architect of Wade’s reanimation is Ajax, TRANSPORTER REFUELED’s Frank Martin (Ed Skrein). I told Ed NOT to get his teeth fixed! Ajax is jealous of Wade’s good looks and cocky attitude, so while making him immortal and with enviable powers, he deforms him. Why didn’t Ajax plan ahead? Surely he knew Wade would not be happy when he woke up and saw his face and body.
Wade is a narcissist and Ajax should have known he would seek revenge. Why give super-powers and immortality to someone you don’t like?
Anyhow, Wade does not bother to check out Ajax’s medical degree or contact past patients, so when he wakes up from surgery and is disfigured, he has no one to blame but himself.
Vanessa, busy at work, fails to make an after-surgery appearance at the hospital. Well, we know Wade is an understanding sort of guy since he accepts his girlfriend’s line of work. Vanessa, however, has the potential to become a villainess.
Vanessa’s chosen line of work does say something about her character. I know, I know, she’s got a reason we can all get behind: (a) she was sexually abused by her parents, (b) has an inferiority complex, (c) likes the quick, tax-free cash or (d) she’s good at it.
Sure, Wade is horribly scarred by the cure, but he has superpowers. Why so vain when now you have the means to fly, heal miraculously and never die in a car crash? Wade must have based his life on his exceptional good looks and foul-mouthed worldview, since he is certain that Vanessa is not the kind of girl who would ever have anything to do with an ugly man. What kind of clients does Vanessa have that she would find Wade repulsive?
What’s so wrong about wearing a Guy Fawkes mask?
DEADPOOL shouts its main intentions right at the opening of the gate, with clever credits insulting the filmmakers and praising the screenwriters. The nudity and foul language starts immediately and does not end. Reynolds has finally found his niche and, yes, that really is him hidden under the mask, or so he says. (Remember when Michael Fassbender said his role in FRANK was played by someone else until he took the plastic head off at the very end? At least that was him singing I Love Everybody.)
How in the world did Reynolds get to play Deadpool after his disastrous turn as The Green Lantern? I saw his last few movies and he was situating himself for “Buddy Detective of the Fledgling Star” roles. He must have a very special friend in Hollywood.
There are a few lucky actors (remember Ben Affleck’s early movies?) who, regardless of how lousy their films are, keep getting cast until they learn to act or get that one role that makes them a certified star.
The remarkable DEADPOOL takes the entire genre and flips it so completely that Hollywood will have to address revising their superheroes personalities. Perhaps The Hulk will be addicted to online porn or Tony Stark will lose his empire and get real bitchy and have a Terrible Twos temper tantrum. Maybe he’ll cheat on Pepper with a female robot he designs.
The one complaint I have about the movie is Wade’s misogynist constant comments about Angel Dust (Gina Carano). Why didn’t she call out his girlfriend as a whore?
The writers, Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, are collectively now, Hollywood’s “bottom bitches” – and that’s a very good thing.
DEADPOOL’s director, Tim Miller, who had only one significant directorial credit – he was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film – is Hollywood’s newest Golden Child from out of nowhere. His brief bio on imdb.com says: “Miller is also famous for creating opening sequences of THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO and THOR: THE DARK WORLD.
Talent sometimes does count, but someone took a chance on Miller and now DEADPOOL is a true phenomenon.
*During an interview with Digital Spy, Evans and Renner were asked about the fans’ shipping [?] of different character pairs from the franchise, specifically Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow with Renner’s Hawkeye and Evans’ Captain America. And, with the news that Ultron may hint at a romance between Black Widow and Mark Ruffalo’s Bruce Banner, the interviewer asked what the two actors think about the surprise couple in the film. “She’s a slut,” Renner said, which caused the two to burst out in laughter as Evans chimed in with “a complete whore.”
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Victoria Alexander lives in Las Vegas, Nevada and answers every email at email@example.com.